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“sober” “discreet” “self-controlled”

The English version I generally use reads like this:

Titus 2:4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God

I thought about the word “self controlled” for some time. I realized that:

When I did not have control over my SELF
I did NOT have SELF Control.

Let me clarify what I mean by that:
I found that when I was micromanaged and controlled from the outside, I did NOT have self control! I would have ugly displays of anger But once I realized that I can draw the line on the” control freak” behavior, that I have control over myself, no one else is allowed to micromanage and control me and “run me” like an appliance, once I knew that I had God’s permission to say “NO!” or “yes”, THEN lo and behold: I had SELF control! I didn’t get furious anymore about the outrageously trivial control freak behavior.

That was from the English translation.

Then I got to digging into the Greek words and roots:
I noticed that the repetition of a similar word: sophron (rendered “sober”) and sophronizo (rendered “discreet”)

Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober <4994>, to love their husbands, to love their children,
[To be] discreet<4998>, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

So I looked at all the definitions under those entries (<4994> <4998>)
and I looked at their root words which are listed “sozo” and “phren”: <4982> <5424>

Here’s a list of the meanings (you can look at the links if you want to see for yourself):

to restore one to his senses,
to moderate, control, curb, disciple
to hold one to his duty
to admonish, to exhort earnestly
of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses
curbing one’s desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate

and from the roots:
to keep safe and sound, make well, heal, restore, save—> the mind, the faculty of perceiving and judging

And the verse says this of the older women:

“becometh holiness”<2412>– (from <2413> and <4241>)
to stand out, to be conspicuous, to be eminent, to be becoming, seemly, fit, as one who is sacred, consecrated to God

and this to be taught to the younger women:

“chaste”- <53> exciting reverence, venerable, sacred, pure, pure from carnality, chaste, modest, pure from every fault, immaculate, clean

Older women behave as “becometh holiness” and teaching the neos (new or younger women) to be sober/self controlled and chaste. Please note, they are teaching MARRIED WOMEN!!!!!! So, married women (who are immature in their faith) will have a tendency to LACK self controlled/sober and chaste behavior.

I see in there God’s intention that the mature women teach the neos (newer, younger) to the end that their mind will be whole, sound, healed, that they will live consecrated, set apart for God, being able to perceive what is good and constructive and what is evil, that they have the charge to GUARD their home/marriage and keep themselves safe, protected, and chaste within their home and with their husbands.

I told my beloved husband just yesterday that I think there are still traces of enmity between him and myself because there must be! The Bible says of Eve that there will be enmity between her seed and the seed of Satan. There is no other option but a consecration, a setting apart of myself from him when he surrenders himself to Satan and speaks forth things and behaves in ways which “steal, kill, and destroy”. I cannot, I MUST NOT agree with evil things. There was a time when I prostituted myself to him in a vain attempt to “buy love”. Perhaps you are thinking that is a comment all about sex. Sometimes it involved bedroom behavior. But it is- by no means- exclusive to that. Selling myself out in order to win approval came in many forms which for me looked a lot like perfectionism, striving, workaholism. He said “jump” and I asked “how high”? That is NOT self control, sound mind, sobriety, sophron. That did NOT keep me safe in my own home. That kept me a fearful and victimized and training my children to be equally fearful and victimized in my and their own home.

I observed an overlap in the characteristics enjoined upon the woman married to a disobedient husband of 1 Pet 3– I recalled that she is exhorted to be chaste
I observed that 1 Tim 2:15 has overlap in the characteristics enjoined upon “they”…
Namely a very similar “sobriety” <4997> word is used. And 1 Tim 2:9 echoes the exhortation of women to sobriety AND expands that to modesty of attitude and dress.

Which leads me to a possible understanding of the promise of 1 Timothy 2:15:

I personally was guilty of “husband idolatry”. I put him on the throne and I was an obedient servant, while he micromanaged and controlled down to trivial detail. My desire was for my husband (to please him, to satisfy him) and he ruled over me. The passage can be taken as a PROMISE for the marriage of ANY CHRISTIAN WOMAN- that she will be saved/restored/made whole in a reversal of the fall’s consequences (”he shall rule over you”) back to her status as a co-heir with Christ, back to her queenly, ruling position of the Garden-BESIDE Adam- rather than being the mistress/subordinate/underling to Adam’s “master-hood”. Could such restoration for her be conditional upon her remaining with her husband?? Notice “if THEY continue in faithfulness…” This interpretation would speak quite firmly and with HOPE to the Christian woman contemplating divorce from a husband who is sinning against her in various ways.

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